Building Resilience and Community: The Importance of Role Models and Shared Experiences for Men's Mental Health

The Crisis Facing Young Men Today

In today's rapidly changing world, young men face unprecedented challenges that test their resilience, self-belief, and sense of purpose. Drawing inspiration from Gareth Southgate's thought-provoking Richard Dimbleby Lecture, we at True North Collective (TNC) recognise the critical need for spaces where men can discover their identity, build meaningful connections, and contribute to society in impactful ways.

Southgate's lecture highlighted a deeply concerning trend: young men are increasingly feeling isolated, grappling with their masculinity, and struggling to find their place in society. This crisis is evident across various metrics, including education, employment, and health outcomes.

The Centre for Social Justice's recent report, "Lost Boys", echoes these concerns, describing nothing short of a crisis facing boys and young men across the UK. Their research reveals that young men are falling behind in almost every important metric of societal success. Most alarmingly, suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50 in the UK – a heartbreaking statistic that underscores the urgent need for intervention and support.

The Digital Age and Its Impact

One of the key challenges identified by both Southgate and contemporary research is the unrelenting impact of social media and digital technology on young people's lives. As Southgate eloquently put it, "Today, young people are bombarded by information at all times of the day from a device that fits neatly into the palm of their hand, and updates by the second. They're targeted with images of the perfect body, the perfect career and the perfect life, a beautifully crafted highlights reel where success appears to be instant and effortless."

This constant exposure to curated perfection has created an environment where young men compare themselves not just to peers in their immediate surroundings, but to idealised versions of success from across the globe. The result is often a deep sense of inadequacy and a fear of failure that can paralyse rather than motivate.

Recent polling cited by Southgate found that the majority of 16-24 year olds believe social media has become more toxic and addictive in the past five years, negatively impacting their mental health, sleep, attention span, and ability to work or study.

The 'Epidemic of Fatherlessness'

Perhaps one of the most striking revelations from the Centre for Social Justice report is what they term an "epidemic of fatherlessness". The report highlights how 2.5 million children in the UK have no father figure at home, noting that boys are more likely now to own a smartphone than to live with their dad.

Southgate reflected on this reality, acknowledging that while having a father figure at home is ideal, it's not the only way for boys to find positive male role models. However, as community centres close, sports facilities become less accessible, and community events dwindle, young men have fewer opportunities to meet traditional role models like coaches, youth workers, and teachers.

In this void, many young men turn to online spaces, searching for direction and meaning. Unfortunately, this often leads them to unhealthy alternatives like excessive gaming, gambling, and pornography, or worse, to toxic influencers who, as Southgate describes, "willingly trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, never showing emotion, and that the world, including women, is against them."

The Power of Failure and Resilience

One of the key messages from Southgate's lecture is the importance of experiencing and overcoming failure. He argues that young boys need to "fail often and learn fast" to build resilience. This process of falling, getting back up, and trying again is crucial for developing the mental fortitude needed to face life's challenges.

"In my opinion," Southgate states, "if we make life too easy for young boys now, we will inevitably make life harder when they grow up to be young men."

At TNC, we embrace this philosophy wholeheartedly. Our programmes and activities are designed to create a safe environment where men can push their boundaries, take risks, and learn from both successes and failures. We believe that it's through these experiences that true growth and resilience are fostered.

Southgate emphasises the difference between "trying and failing" rather than "failing to try". This mindset is at the core of what we do at TNC. We encourage men to step out of their comfort zones, try new things, and learn from every experience.

Building Identity, Connection, and Culture

Southgate outlines three key foundations for building belief and resilience: identity, connection, and culture. Each of these elements is as important to wider society as they were to the England football team under his leadership.

Identity

A crucial aspect of mental health and resilience is having a strong sense of identity. Southgate talks about the importance of understanding "who am I?" and "who are we?" in building both individual and collective identity.

At TNC, we encourage men to explore these questions for themselves. Through our various programmes and activities, men have the opportunity to discover new skills, contribute to meaningful projects, and find their place within a supportive community. This process of self-discovery can be transformative, helping men build a stronger sense of self and purpose.

As Southgate reflected about his time with the England team: "We shared personal stories. We talked about our country, the football legends who came before us and our place in history. By the end, we knew who we were, a proud, diverse, resilient team that stood up for each other and was ready to write our own chapter."

Connection

Southgate emphasises the critical role of connection in building belief and resilience. He states, "No matter how talented you are as an individual, success is impossible without the right people around you". This sentiment resonates deeply with our mission at TNC.

We strive to create a community where men can form authentic connections, share their experiences, and support one another. Through peer support groups, outdoor activities, and volunteering opportunities, we provide multiple avenues for men to build camaraderie and develop a sense of belonging.

Research strongly supports the importance of social connections for mental health. A study by Holt-Lunstad et al. (2010) found that strong social relationships were associated with a 50% increased likelihood of survival. At TNC, we're not just building a community; we're creating a support network that can significantly impact men's wellbeing and longevity.

As Southgate pointed out, "Real connection, the kind that gives you belief and resilience is becoming harder, not easier, to find. You can have millions of followers online and not one person to turn to when you really need help."

Culture

Southgate defines culture simply as "how we do things around here" – made up of hundreds of small behaviours and actions that shape the overall environment.

At TNC, we're committed to creating a culture where values matter: courage, humility, and integrity over selfishness, greed, and arrogance. We believe that the culture we create today will shape the kind of men we become tomorrow.

As Southgate said, "We all have the power to create that culture, small actions at an individual level, ladder up to something far bigger at a societal level. That's how we can make changes in our schools, in our workplaces, in our communities, and yes, in our nation as well."

The Importance of Role Models

Both the Centre for Social Justice report and Southgate's lecture highlight the declining presence of traditional role models in young men's lives. At TNC, we recognise the power of mentorship and role modelling. Our community brings together men from diverse backgrounds and experiences, creating opportunities for organic mentorship relationships to form. We believe that every man has something valuable to offer, whether it's life experience, professional skills, or simply a listening ear.

Southgate's own experiences illustrate the importance of mentors and role models. He speaks of Alan Smith, his youth coach at Crystal Palace, "who wasn't afraid to challenge me, not because he wanted me to fail, but because he wanted me to succeed", and of Stuart Pearce, who supported him after his devastating penalty miss in Euro 96.

Redefining Success

A crucial aspect of building resilience in young men is redefining what success means. As Southgate eloquently argues, even in professional sport, winning a trophy isn't the only marker of success. "If I've learned anything from my life in football," he says, "it's that success is about much more than the final score. It isn't a straight line, and it's not a single moment."

At TNC, we celebrate the journey as much as the destination. We recognise that true success is how you respond in the hardest moments – it's about having the belief and resilience to persevere when things get tough.

Southgate points to examples like Harry Kane, who was released by Arsenal as a youth player but went on to become England's record goal scorer, and Ollie Watkins, who started in non-league football before scoring the winning goal in England's Euro 2024 semi-final against Holland. As Southgate puts it, Watkins was "an overnight success after 20 years".

Join Us in Building Something Meaningful

As Southgate suggests, now is the perfect time to get involved with True North Collective. We're in the exciting phase of building and shaping our community, and we need your help. Whether it's assisting in creating shared spaces for future activities, promoting our services, clearing outdoor spaces, or generating ideas for new initiatives, your contribution is valuable.

At TNC, we welcome you as you are. We value what you can contribute, recognising that everyone has unique skills and experiences to offer. We may not always get it right, but as Southgate says, it's important to try and learn from the challenges, failures, and wins.

In conclusion, True North Collective is more than just a support group or activity centre. We're building a community where men can discover their identity, build resilience, form meaningful connections, and contribute to society in impactful ways. By embracing the principles of trying, failing, learning, and supporting one another, we're creating a space where men can truly thrive.

Join us on this journey. Together, we can build something truly meaningful and make a positive impact on men's mental health and wellbeing.

References:

• Centre for Social Justice. (2024). Lost Boys: The Crisis Facing Boys and Young Men.

• Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS medicine, 7(7), e1000316.

• Southgate, G. (2025). Richard Dimbleby Lecture. BBC.